COLL 04 FALL, FEM

I FEEL WEIRD SPEAKING FOR WOMEN AS A MAN. EVEN AS A GAY MAN. I DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT WOMEN THINK OR FEEL UNTIL THEY TELL ME, AND I LOVE LISTENING AND I CAN HAVE EMPATHY, BUT I THINK EVEN THAT EMPATHY HAS ITS LIMITS. I MAY HAVE SOME INTUITIONS, BUT I DON’T THINK I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN, ONLY TO LET THEM BE AND WE ARE MANY WHO MUST LEARN THAT LESSON STILL. I LEARN MINE AT FITTINGS WITH MY MODELS AND MY CLIENTS, AND IN THE COMPANY OF SUCH OPINIONATED WOMEN AS MY MOTHER, SISTERS, AUNTS, GRANDMOTHER AND SOME OF MY VERY CLOSE FEMALE FRIENDS. COMES THEN THE QUESTION OF HOW DO YOU DESIGN FOR WOMEN AS IN FIND SOLUTIONS FOR THEM?

THE CLOSEST I’VE COME TO SOLVING THAT POSSIBLY PARALYZING QUESTION HAS BEEN BY DESIGNING FOR MY OWN FEMININITY FROM DAY ONE. THE WOMAN THAT I WOULD LOVE TO BE. I DON’T WANT TO BE ONE EXACTLY, I MEAN MAYBE FOR A DAY OR SOME BUT IF I WERE A WOMAN I KNOW WHAT I WOULD WANT TO WEAR. IT IS A CLOSE TO PERFORMANCE DESIRE, LIKE GOING ON STAGE.

I FIRST DESIRED CLOTHES WHEN I FOUND A PAIR OF TROUSERS WHICH FELT FEMININE, WHICH FEMINIZED MY SKINNY TEENAGER SILHOUETTE BACK THEN. I GREW UP EFFEMINATE. I WAS MISTAKEN FOR A GIRL UNTIL THE AGE OF TEN OR ELEVEN. I LEARNT BELLY-DANCING WITH MY AUNT WITH VIDEO CASSETTES TO THE POINT WHERE MY GRANDPARENTS HID THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE SCARED THAT THE PRACTICE WOULD TURN ME GAY. I WENT AND WATCHED THEM OVER AND OVER IN SECRET. I IMITATED WOMEN’S POSTURES, THEIR VOICES, AND THEIR MANNERS UNTIL THEY BECAME MINE. I WORE MAKE UP AND JUST LIKE CHER SAID IN AN INTERVIEW, “I COULDN’T WAIT TO GET OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY WITH ALL THAT JUNK” THAT SANCTIFIED WOMANHOOD IN MY EYES. THE ACID AND POWDERY COLORS IN THE COSMETICS WORLD AND THEIR PITCH-BLACK CASES, EVEN THEIR SMELL IS TO THIS DAY ONE OF THE MOST SENSUOUS EXPERIENCE I KNOW. I LEARNT FROM WOMEN’S SEDUCTION TECHNIQUES AND FROM THEIR RAGE TOO: HELEN MIRREN’S ELIZABETH THE 1^ST PUT IT QUITE ELOQUENTLY: “WOMEN HAVE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT CRUELTY THAN MEN WILL EVER REMEMBER” AND I’VE HAD MY TASTE OF THAT CRUELTY ON OCCASION. STILL, I ONLY WANTED FEMALE COMPANY UNTIL I REALIZED I WAS NOT, IN FACT, “ONE OF THE GIRLS”, I AM NOT A WOMAN. BUT WHAT A PRIVILEGED FRONT-ROW SEAT I HAD GROWING UP AROUND THEM! I WAS A LUCKY ATTENDEE, IN THIS REALM OF SOPHISTICATION. SOPHISTICATED, THAT IS WHAT EVERY WOMAN I KNOW IS AND THAT IS WHAT I ENVIED AND LEARNED TO DEVELOP IN MY OWN BEING, FLESH AND PSYCHE FOR YEARS.

A MAN’S FEMININITY IS SOMEWHAT CAMP, AND VERY CLOSE TO FANTASIZED, CINEMA AND CULTURE FED IMAGES. MY FEMININITY, I FIGURED, IS FEM. FEM LIKE THE QUEER LINGO FEM. FEM À LA SUSAN SONTAG’S DEFINITION OF CAMP FEM. OBSERVANTLY AND AMPLY FEM. FEM AND BURÇOISE: A CUNTER-CONSERVATIVE AND CUNT-SERVATIVE FEM. A FAYE DUNAWAY BY THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL POOL IN A ROBE FEM. A PORTRAIT OF A LADY FEM WHERE EVEN A THOUSAND ROSES WON’T DO, AND YOU’LL NEED ONE MORE SORT OF FEM. PERFORMATIVELY FEM AS THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO BE FEM. A PATENT-LEATHER-HEELED-REVENGE ON VELCRO FEM AND AN I’M NOT DONE YET TYPE OF FEM. LET’S CELEBRATE FEMMES AND FEMS, SHALL WE. THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING ON THAT NEED ADDRESSING AND OUR RESILIENCE. THIS IS NOT A TIME TO GO QUIET IN LUXURY. WE NEED MORE HOSPITALITY, WE NEED GENEROSITY, WE NEED TO KEEP LIVING. LI-VIING DAHLING!